Excerpt used for education purposes only.
Chairman & CEO, Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions
Okay, your employees can promote you to chairman.
Chairman & CEO, NorthStar Productions, LLC
Does NorthStar even exist anymore, besides those cable access shows from the 90's? If only for YouTube nobody would even know, so it's like saying you have a YouTube channel. You don't actually say you do though.
Chairman & CEO, Jung SuWon Martial Art Wellness Center
True, you did found Jung SuWon and your people did make you the leader.
Chairman & CEO, MorningPlanet
Ah, another of your failed TV series 'companies' with KBS (A Korean station). Got it.
International TV Talk Show Host, The Tae Yun Kim Show
Ah, The Tae Yun Kim Show, only on YouTube today, and some obscure other channels online. How many episodes? Oh, a season or so? Seems like Morning Planet and the like all over again, a repaint of an older idea, as they call that double dipping. Or triple. See I have three TV shows. No, you have one each. They all failed. Well maybe three was a success. The first two, not so much. And having it play in Korea does not make it international but by definition only. Nice trick.
World's Foremost Ki Energy Master
Okay, if we really understood what a ki energy master was, we'd think that was awesome, right? Clearly we exers do not, or we wouldn't call you on it.
Founder of the Martial Art of Jung SuWon
You said that when you implied you founded the company. It is inferred.
Ph.D. in Business Administration, Sook Myung Women's University, Seoul, Korea
Okay, Ma'am, we know you never did any studies at this school to get a doctorate. A Ph. D. no less? An honorary degree, as we recall. You should never, ever brag that you area 'real' doctor when you have an honorary one. It is in poor taste. Also isn't this school pissed at you because you refused to teach there? Or did you leave that out?
Goodwill Ambassador
What? Says you. All right, so you're nice to people. Some people. Not ex students, but some people.
International Author
Again like the show, yes some of your books appeared in Korea and Singapore and places like that, technically yes, international.
Advisor to Gyeongsangbuk-Do Province in South Korea for International Cooperation
Hope of the Country of Korea, President Kim Dae Jung
Yes, they wanted to make you a politician and potential leader of Korea. How is that going for you? Wasn't that in the 90s?
9th Degree Rank, World Moo Duk Kwan General Foundation, Seoul, Korea
Who are the WMDKGF? They sound official, but are they really? We recall you came into the USD as Kyung Ae and had a black belt, then an Epiphany in Vermont, and the next day were a Grandmaster. Nice trick. Awesome PR, girl.
Chairman of the Board, Martial Arts Leadership Federation
A board you helped to create, right?
Winner, Women of Distinction award, Technology, Silicon Valley/San Jose Business Journal, 2005
To get this award you must pay up and your peers elect you, right?
Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions, ranked the #1 Best Place to Work in the Bay Area, 2005
Yes, your exers remember how they pulled to get you this award, and paid up a lot of money to rig the election. Lovely. Oh, and they're your employees, or were, so they're gonna love the boss.
Best of Show, CleanRooms Contamination Control Technology Conference & Exhibition, 2005
Wow. Best of show, like a dog and pony show. I need not say more. I'm sure your kennel is spotless.
Life Story included in book, Unstoppable Women by Cynthia Kersey, 2005
Great title, over hyped idea. Does it mean anything if you've never heard of this other woman?
Commendation by City of San Jose for Service to the Community, 2005
Oh really? We doubt that. You tried to trick the city into accepting your renovations. Did they give you it after you sold the site there?
Best Solution to a Product (Lighthouse Worldwide Solutions), SEMICON West 2004
This is a made up award, come on. Try harder. No do better.
Most Innovative Business Leader in California, California Chamber of Commerce, 2004
You know, lying about what the chamber of commerce awards you might be considered a crime, but saying you were innovative probably gets you off the hook. You had just left San Jose for Fremont because your second site got evicted under dubious circumstances. Fleeing the scene one evening it definitely innovative. Or so we heard. (We weren't actually there).
"One of the Most Successful Koreans who Bring Hope to Korea", Kyunghyang Daily News, 2001
Okay, We'll buy this one. But with it comes a bridge. It's in Suwon province, in nice shape, only painted once in 16 years. Fixer upper. (We have nothing against Koreans in Suwon thought).
Susan B. Anthony Award, 1985
You touted this a bunch of times but did not add you had purchased the award and the evening with funds from some of your wealthier students.
Cultural Living Treasure Award, 1995
We were there for that, and it also was a fashion show. Koreans love their mix of fashion and politics. Sure, living treasure. Why not you?
State of California, Woman of the Year, 2002
Guess your wealth goes a long way, er ex students' wealth, to buy you another award.
Women of Achievement Award (The Women's Fund), Sports, 1991 and Corporate, 2002
YWCA's Tribute to Women and Industry Award, 2002
Who did you have to scrabble funds for to get this one? Did you do a Village People skit? (We have nothing against the YWCA but they might wanna know you have snookered them.
Portrayed in "Culture Clash in AmeriCCa" by nationally acclaimed group, Culture Clash, 2003
You didn't seem at the time to like transgendered musical dramas. We found out a part about you we had no clue about that evening. Some of us were visiting after having left. Very interesting. So all these years when you dressed us up with opposite sex clothes you assumed we were transgendered too? Wow. We weren't. Drag queens can be straight. Interesting you remember them though, but don't honor their unique way of life by listing it here, 'Culture Clash transgender performers' or something.
Life story portrayed in 40-day live broadcast on KBS Radio International, 2002
Forty days? Really? I bet the station lost money after that many days of hearing exceprts from your books. Wow, the the humanity!
African-American/Ethnic Sports Hall of Fame inductee, 2002
Since when are you African American?
Hwang Hee Culture & Art Prize (similar to the Nobel Peace Prize), Seoul, Korea, 2002
No it's not. Only in Korea and only with that group.
Woman of Highest Achievement, IndoAmerican Community Federation, 2002
How did you convince them you were Indian American? Ha. Indonesian? No. Oh, maybe indo like to crash into something.
Businessperson of the Year Award, Chamber of Commerce, Silicon Valley, 1998
You know, these C of C awards are given by employees right? They call the city and advise them their lobby is the best, and get an award.
Tae Yun Kim Day, Santa Clara County, February 2, 2002
Hah ha ha...ha hah...Ha...oh, you weren't joking. Sorry.
Many more...
Knight of Constatine, 2011
Yes, she got knighted by a spurious organization.
US Olympic Woen's Team coach, 1980s
Actually she was the assistant coach.
But hey, she deserves to be considered a Grandmaster now.
Uhm...back to you later on that.
Excerpt used for education purposes only.
